Wake the Witch Review

 Wake the Witch (2010)
Stephanie Tapio, Rachel Lien, Karis Yanike
Dir: Dorothy Booraem

So this latest movie was suggested to me by a friend, mainly on the merit of how bad it is. At first I thought it was an exaggeration, but lo and behold...here we go.

"Yeah, this story totally picks up after we play with this chain a little..."
Wake the Witch is a horror drama about 3 friends (Deb, Trixie and Karen) that bring about the wrath of a dead witch when they stumble upon her death site. The evil spreads, taking with it Deb's friends and family as she tries to figure out a way to the curse and save the ones she loves.

First off, this two hour titan starts with Deb and her friends as they happen to stumble upon a random chain while in the woods (it's actually a park, but woods kinda feels more appropriate for some reason) doing a pretentious, artsy photo shoot for Deb's portfolio. Normally, this isn't a big deal, but this just so happens to be the chain that supposedly leads to the tree where an infamous witch was hanged (don't feel too sorry for her, she killed kids, apparently). Because it's the cool thing to do, they follow the chain because as the story goes, the witch tells you your future if you walk around the tree and kiss your left hand...that or she kills you. Think of it as a backwoods Bloody Mary. Unfortunately, the chain leads to nothing, or more accurately it kinda just ends in the dirt. Figuring it's just a superstition, Trixie decides to walk around the spot where the chain ends and kiss her hand. Game On.

Bored or boring?
Okay, so that's just the first 10 minutes. Fair enough. The story presses on for another 20 or so minutes before the gang makes a return trip to the woods where they had previously tried to --wait for it-- Wake the Witch (yeah, I went there) and Trixie has a seizure or something. This is about where I had to make a conscientious decision to be optimistic that something interesting was going to happen...I was wrong.

Up to this point, the witch's curse is pretty much best summed up as a stomach flu that progresses to odd character behavior (read: makes you act creepy and stare at people). It gets even better when Deb's friend manages to obtain some documents about the park that could prove the whole superstition as just that. Curse or viral outbreak? Only way to find out is to watch the movie...but in my opinion, it's best just to not worry about it. This is one of those movies that starts off, stays and ends slow. Another way to put it is the story is pretty straight forward in the most possible boring sense. There's little to no action, the characters have no depth, the plot twists are a joke, the music is about as engaging as a Nora Jones cd on repeat and let's just say about the ending, I've been let down less by M. Night Shyamalan.

How I felt after watching this: screwed.

To be fair, there are actually a few scenes that give this movie a darkish feel, but they were either so few and far between (especially for a two hour movie) that it just didn't really help or they were overdone (see: final scene). In the end, it just feels like whoever gave this movie the green light to distribute was really just giving anyone that decided to watch it the finger.

Yeah, kinda like that...

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