Enduring another year...

As the year comes to an end, I'm sure there are things we'd all love to do before the big ball drops, or maybe some things we wish we could have accomplished weeks or even months ago.  I know my own list of unfinished business is a lot longer this year than I'd have hoped, but next year will prove to be more  advantageous.
And much like my New Years Resolution to eat better and swear less, I'll be forgetting I even said that in about two weeks.

In the end, though, all that matters is you try to be good to one another and do the best that can be done at whatever it is you do...

Merry Christmas, everybody and enjoy the New Year!!
And all through the house...

Also, more reviews coming soon! I'm hoping to get more books, a few websites and a lot more disturbing movies out, so visit often and stay updated!

Slugs Review

Slugs (1988)
Michael Garfield, Kim Terry, Phillip MacHale
Dir: Juan Piquer Simôn 

Slugs is a creature horror based off the 1982 book of the same name by Shaun Hutson. I haven't read the book yet, but it's definitely going on my list of stuff to read after New Year's.

But on that note, everybody loves creature features, right? From Man's Best Friend to Cloverfield, we all have a soft spot in our hearts for those movies that focus on something other than some psycho with an axe or a ghost with a grudge (no pun intended...). This is probably because they play on our multifaceted, zoophobic tendencies just enough. I mean, we're all a little afraid of animals sometimes, right? Dogs, spiders, birds...slugs?

For this film, if you don't already suffer from some form of Molluscophobia...you probably still won't afterward, but at the same time, you may want to double check your salad from time to time. I'm just saying...

Moving on to the "how it starts" stuff, a young girl and her boyfriend argue the context of the phrase "going fishing" just as he feels something slimy grazes his foot under the water. Moments later, she watches in horror as he is dragged into the dark waters, leaving behind nothing more than a bloody show. Next an old drunkard is devoured on his own couch after he returns from walking the dog, not noticing the slithering infestation in his basement and throughout the cluster fuck of garbage we're going to call his house.

That old man, Ron Bell (Stan Schwartz), is soon discovered eaten to the bone when Sheriff Reese (John Battaglia) and tag-along environmental worker Mike Brady (Michael Garfield) show up to carry out an eviction. While Reese takes his leave outside to try to gather himself, Mike decides to take another look back inside. This time he notices there's something not right about the scene, particularly the massive snail trail leading through the place, and thus his quest for the truth begins.


It isn't long at all until more people begin to turn up dead around town, most of which are eaten alive or in one case, blown up in an accident. One truly unlucky man is eaten from the inside out as mutated blood flukes grow within him after eating a dinner salad prepared by his unknowing wife. I guess he didn't realize that wasn't sliced black olives he was eating...

Unfortunately, nobody wants to believe Mike when he advises the cause of these deaths is related to mutated slugs. It seems a hidden toxic waste dump and a massive amount of snail trails at the various scenes isn't enough to convince anybody of the goings on. Typical, right?

When it comes down to it, Slugs is a movie that at first glance seems ridiculous, but plays on the serious topic of pollution in a way that can really make you think. Carnivorous slugs may sound outlandish, but so far , we've seen mutated frogs and mice in the real world already as a result of pollution. Scared yet? o.O

Seriously, this movie isn't really scary, so much as it is disturbing. It's a gore fest of bloody bodies and worm blasting faces that plays on the concept of human ignorance. It gives an imaginative look into the changes a poorly managed environment can cause, giving us a first hand idea of what may be to come in the future. This is serious, people!

Of course I'm joking, but what's really serious is how goofy this movie can be. We're talking issues ranging from terrible acting to ridiculous concepts such as unexplainable exploding corpses and a cheesy sewer electrocution to this guy's horrible mullet...

That being said, there are a few saving graces that make this movie worth watching over and over. I felt the special effects were what truly made this movie stand out as a definite 80's classic.

Granted, at times they were hit or miss, the hits really outweighed the misses. A favorite scene of mine involves an old man who makes the mistake of putting his hand into a garden glove in which a couple of slugs have just recently taken up residence. One long, losing struggle later and he's not able to take the glove off, eventually getting pinned underneath a fallen cabinet after flailing around in pain. All the while, his wife is back in the home unable to hear the commotion. At this point he sees no other choice for escape, but to grab a nearby hatchet and do away with hand causing him excruciating agony.  Every chop will send chills down your spine as he tries to remove his hand in order to free himself. It's actually pretty gruesome for a B-movie.

For the mullet alone, this movie is worth a watch. Consider the disturbing gore and imaginative story a bonus of sorts. Either way, be sure to check your cole slaw for snails, You've been warned.

The Stuff Review

The Stuff (1985)

Michael Moriarty, Paul Sorvino, Garret Morris
Dir: Larry Cohen

 Okay, so what's not quite white, kinda thick and your girlfriend can't get enough of it? That's right, cheesecake. But I also would have accepted The Stuff.

Yes, The Stuff. The delicious low calorie treat made of...um...yeah, about that...

Tasty, tasty.
The Stuff is a classic Larry Cohen vehicle about a mysterious white goop found bubbling from the ground that becomes a popular dessert treat. Unfortunately for the consumers, this sweet cream is actually controlling and consuming them from the inside out!

The Stuff is one of the first horror movies I remember seeing as a kid. It was always one of my favorites because of how ridiculous it was. Seriously, this stuff is "discovered" when some guy walks up to a random marshmallow hot spring in the snow, sticks his finger in and then proceeds to put said finger into his mouth. I'm sorry if that sounds like nit-picking, but can anyone tell me the last time they just randomly stuck their hand into a random substance and tasted it? Put your hand down, that was rhetorical...

 So, the movie initially follows young Jason as he wakes up for a midnight snack only to open the fridge and witness the creamy confection making a slow retreat to its opened container. As anyone would figure, his family doesn't believe him when he warns against eating the Stuff; even his mother only worries about staining when he flips out and tosses a carton as he rushes out the door. He's next seen running amok in a super market after stopping a small child from consuming the mystery cream. (Look closely and you can spot Eric Bogosian as one of the clerks that try to stop him)

As Jason is beginning to feel he's all alone against the Stuff, we are introduced to charismatic Southern gent (and industrial spy), David "Mo" Rutherford as he investigates the company that produces and distributes The Stuff. Why "Mo"? Because whenever his friends give him something, he always wants 'mo'. Mo has been hired to sneak into the company that makes The Stuff and destroy it from within. Simple.
"Yeah, so as I was saying, this kid throws an egg at me and calls me 'the 1%'"

Okay, so first off, my favorite part about the movie: Mo. This guy is as hilarious as he is suave and cunning. Planting bugs on his employers, wooing women, enjoying sweaty handshakes...yeah, good times. Easily the comic relief of the film, everywhere Mo goes, craziness follows. Next, I'd say this is probably a favorite of mine simply for the story. The creamy killer mystery food that assimilates its victims faster (...well, almost as fast) as crack and cigarettes. Why aren't there more movies these days like this? I don't think I had many complaints about this one. It has some good humor, some campy gore, a hot supporting actress (Andrea Marcovicci was kinda hot back then...sue me) and a lot of...Stuff.

Seriously, though, unless you have an irrational fear of marshmallow fluff, whipped cream, sour cream, cottage cheese or some other thick, white, dairy-type product, you should give this one a watch...it's mind rottingly good.

It's like Scary Movie...but scary!
Chocolate Chip Charlie and Mo

"Hello, sweaty palm!"


You can never get enough of...