Friday The 13th (Reboot) Review

Friday the 13th (2009)

Starring: Jared Padalecki, Amanda Righetti, Derek Mears
Directed by: Marcus Nispel

After doing the previous review, I felt tempted to take a stab at (see what I did there?) the 2009 attempt at a reboot. You know, just for shits and giggles. Honestly, that's what it feels like they did this movie for as well.
Note: In my post, Reboots, Remakes and Re-Imaginings: My Thoughts, I comment on this movie in comparison to other remakes, not as an objective review.

Friday the 13th is about a group of college kids who make the mistake of deciding to party at Crystal Lake. It isn't long before the legend, Jason Voorhees proves himself to be real and dangerous.

As I described it before, this felt more like an attempt at a reboot as opposed to a successful re-imagining. And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying everything Michael Bay gets his hands on is garbage, but let's just say I wouldn't jump to pull this one out of a trash compactor. In Friday the 13th, the story line for the original first four movies is essentially crammed into one hour and forty-five minute film, which I'm sure you can already identify a problem with that right off the bat.

Jason's entire back story is told within the first 5 minutes of the movie, starting with the last 5 minutes of the first movie, minus any real tension or style. As a matter of fact, while Mrs. Voorhees is screaming about Jason's death, he's literally watching from two trees over. All sense of mystery or empathy is thrown right out the window. From then on, the idea of a likable character is all but non-existent as this vapid group of horny college coeds tromp their way through the woods just waiting to die. And again, don't get me wrong, I get it. That's what slasher movies usually are--horny teens getting dropped like fornicating flies. There just isn't anything that makes you care. Every death just makes you scream, "Fucking FINALLY!!" There is literally the line, "You've got perfect nipple placement, baby." What the hell is that?! The only okay character is Clay (Jared Padalecki) and even then, I think that may be a biased opinion because I like Supernatural. But to be fair, he is a pretty good actor.

And speaking of characters, here's something a bit hard to digest: Travis Van Winkle's character, Trent, is a direct reprisal of his character from Transformers. Think about that. If they're the same character, that puts them in the same universe, technically, right? I truly hope not, because that would mean a double-fucking of many good childhood memories. Man, this review is making me sad now. Onto what was actually GOOD about this movie.

Giving credit where credit is due. Friday the 13th has a decent atmosphere. It's dark. It's creepy. After the opening segment, there is some tension to be had, which is a small saving grace, given the characters. Aside from that, the best thing about this movie is occasional nudity and lots of gore. The special effects were good for what this movie has to offer. I did also somewhat enjoy Derek Mears as Jason. His portrayal was active and for what it was, terrifying. He's still no Kane Hodder, but I hold no ill will whatsoever towards him.

For fans of the originals, I'd say don't waste your time with this one. Make a night of it and just do a Friday the 13th marathon. For newcomers to the franchise, I'd suggest skipping this one as well since the last thing you need is a bad experience in your first foray into Camp Crystal Lake. Sorry, Michael Bay. Try again.




Special Effects

Overall Rating: Wounded and Limping

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