Big Ass Spider! Review

Big Ass Spider! (2013)

Starring: Ray Wise, Greg Grunberg, Clare Kramer
Directed by: Mike Mendez



Coming out the gate, I'm going to say normally, I don't care for spider flicks. Save for Arachnophobia, of course. That movie was the shit. But this comedy laden CGI fest was actually enjoyable from beginning to end.

In Big Ass Spider!, exterminator Alex Mathis (Greg Grunberg) has his work cut out for him when a giant spider is accidentally delivered to the hospital and begins preying on the citizens of the city while rapidly growing in size.

In my personal opinion, I thought this film had a good plot to start from. It started with a tiny Brown Recluse and then quickly spun out of control with a spider that, while CGI, was still fun to watch get its kills. The thing I liked so much was that it was like the opposite of Eight-Legged Freaks. Instead of the majority of the film involving multitudes of arachnids munching on people, there was (for the majority of the movie) one solitary, bad ass spider taking what it wanted and just generally not giving a flying fuck.

The best part about the film was probably the characters. The rapport between Alex and Jose was perfect. They played off each other like Batman and Robin. There is funny cameo by Lynn Shaye in the very beginning of the film as well. The only bad side of the characters was that the military was ridiculously stupid. With the amount of firepower they have at their disposal, throughout the film, every engagement with the spider (who gets bigger every time, mind you) is met with the same submachine guns that do less and less. Being the military, I'm sure they had a Hummer with a .50 Cal lying around somewhere, right? But then again, if the military had been smart, we wouldn't have this hilarious movie to watch.

The general setting of Big Ass Spider! is a simple cityscape. Most of the film takes place either in the hospital, the park or in Little Tokyo. Speaking of which, I probably should have mentioned this before, but most of this movie is actually a flashback. It starts off with the giant spider being attacked by helicopters and causing utter mayhem as a nice cover of "Where Is My Mind" (the song at the end of Fight Club) plays. It's actually a really nice opening. I think this does play towards the atmosphere of the film because it goes from the chaos back in time to before all hell breaks loose and then builds up from there.

The thing about the special effects in Big Ass Spider! is that even though the spider looks pretty bad ass, it still has the "bad CGI" touch that gives this movie some of its comedic power. You know, the funny without trying effect? The moments where victims are netted with webbing are particularly noticeable as being SyFy quality, but it doesn't slow the movie down one bit.

Overall, Big Ass Spider! is a fun film for everyone. There's no nudity, but plenty of violence to make up for it. There is plenty of humor and more or less, a good story to play with. I personally really enjoyed this film and I think if you're willing to sit through something like Eight Legged Freaks, you can definitely sit through Big Ass Spider!

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Overall Rating: Big Ass Fun!

My 10 Favorite Death Scenes


It's no surprised, one of my favorite things about horror movies is the death scene. Hell, more often than not, what's the point, right? What his horror without the threat of death? The thrill of the kill? In many cases, boring. So, today, I've compiled a short list of 10 of my favorite kills from some of my favorite horror films. I hope you enjoy!

10. Silent Hill -- Cop Cooker
Just to throw it out there, I have nothing against most cops. I've never been unnecessarily harassed or anything like that. I just really like this scene because of how terrifying it is to imagine being roasted alive like a pig on a spit (no pun intended). 


9. Hostel -- Achilles Slice
Again, another kill that gets a good cringe out of the audience. This was one of the most iconic kill scenes from the gore fest that was Hostel.


8. A Nightmare on Elm Street -- What A Mess!
In his first role, Johnny Depp was murdered in one of the coolest ways ever. He was turned into a human margarita and then tossed up on the ceiling like the blender exploded. This was another iconic death scene that still manages to look better than a lot of the more modern movie kills.


7. A Nightmare on Elm Street 4 -- Bug Girl
This kill scene had two things that make people cringe regularly. Bugs and the thought of getting crushed alive. Though it was a little silly, it was still a personal favorite.


6. Friday the 13th Part 7 -- Sleeping Bag Slam
I've always found this kill to be both funny and terrifying at the same time. Something about being stuffed into a sleeping bag and slammed into a tree like the worst game of Pillow Fight ever just gets to me, ya know?


5. Day of the Dead -- Head Pull
This is one of the craziest scenes ever right here. After the shit has hit the fan in the facility, the military goons run around with nowhere to go. One of them is bitten and eats a bullet. Another gets his face torn off. This guy gets his fucking head ripped off while he's still screaming. Epic.


4. Hatchet -- Pac-Man Decapitation
One of the best films of the modern era, Hatchet comes loaded with two things: buckets of blood and excellent practical effects. In this scene, Victor Crowley has gotten hold of one of the members of the ill-fated boat tour and proceeds to turn her into one of those old toothbrush commercials.


3. Trailer Park of Terror -- No Happy Ending!
I...eh...let's just say, I don't ever want a massage from this woman. EVER. Any man who has seen this movie knows damn well what I'm talking about! And if you haven't, go do so. It's worth it.


2. Halloween 2 -- Nurse Backstab
I love this scene because, well, for one it's Michael Meyers doing what he does best. And secondly, he's stabbed this woman in the back and lifted her off the ground with nothing but a scalpel. That's fucking terrifying!


1. Day of the Dead -- Captain Rhodes
Okay, I don't like spoiling things, but let's be frank--we knew Rhodes was gonna die. He was too big an asshole to not, am I right? Well, aside from this scene being Bub's payback, it also holds a spot in my heart for being one of the most macabre jokes ever in a horror film. If you pause just as the first zombie pulls something out of the good ol' Captain and look closely, you'll find he's pulled a rubber chicken out of him. A rubber fucking chicken. Because of that, I like to pretend he's been running around the movie pissed off because he can't get the chicken out of his ass. Totally changes the perspective of the story, doesn't it?

(Disclaimer: If you watch the film with commentary, they state they "almost" put the chicken in and then immediately afterwards comment that what was pulled out first looked just like a rubber chicken and had to have been snuck in. I'm in the camp that it was a rubber chicken because, well, that's funny as shit. Don't agree? That's fine, you can't hardly tell what the hell all is in there.)


So there you have 10 of my favorite horror movie kill scenes. I'd love to see what you creeps like in the comments below. List your favorite scene or scenes. Don't be shy!

Trailer Park of Terror Review

Trailer Park of Terror (2008)

Starring: Nichole Hiltz, Lew Temple, Jeanette Brox
Directed by: Stephen Goldmann



I've had this movie in my collection for a while and always wanted to do a review of it, mainly because it's a bit of a guilty pleasure. It's one of those movies that you can put on for just about anything. Pizza night, background noise, it's all good.

Trailer Park of Terror is about a group of six troubled teens and their chaperon getting stranded in the middle of a haunted trailer park when their bus crashes. Soon into the ordeal, zombie hillbillies appear and begin slaughtering the teens simply for the hell of it.

This is one of those movies I truly adore. The general plot is something as simple and akin to the likes of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre mixed with Friday the 13th with a dash of southern hospitality. A group of (more or less) innocent teens are minding their own business when trouble strikes and causes them to run afoul of a blip on the map they would have missed had they made it 30 more minutes up the road. They stop for help only to be slaughtered one by one by a handful of psychotic zombies.

The back story to the trailer park actually makes you feel bad for one of the zombies, Norma (Nichole Hiltz) and gives a good bit of foreshadowing for the ending scenes. In both the beginning and the end, there is a small cameo by country star Trace Adkins. Honestly, I think he was perfect for that spot. The kids, on the other hand, were mostly douche-tastic. The real stars of the movie are the zombies. I particularly liked Roach, partially because I'm also a guitar player.

The overall atmosphere of the film is dark, but oddly light-hearted. Luckily, it's not enough to completely throw out the tension. That's something I did like about Trailer Park of Terror.

The real shining point of the film was the special effects. They were somewhat silly, but gruesome all at the same time. One of my favorite scenes involved a character getting into Roach's stash and let's just say, she'll never get caught red-handed again. Another sickening scene involved the ghost of the resident masseuse doing what she does best. Unfortunately, there was no happy ending.

There is a lot more good than bad about Trailer Park of Terror, to say the least. There's something in it for just about any horror fan. The only thing really missing is nudity, but that's honestly fine. This is a shining example of doing it right. It has the gore. It has some tension. Unfortunately, the characters, the protagonists, actually, are kinda unlikable, but it's more than made up for with the crazy situations they are put through. You will root for the zombies and you won't feel bad about it.


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Overall Rating: Ghoulishly Delightful